Now is tuesday, ivan birthday ....... i am here wishing u happy birthday.....
i know i say what also no use,, but i remeber tht time tht we break up i type a words on ur lap top is i will always wait you is really truelly.....anyway pass pass pass de i still miss u and take the pain on me ..........the answers is yes i am still waitting for you.
happy birthday
ivan lai
hey!!! long time dint write blog de... miss my blog? hehe actually i also dunno why so long no write de..... maybe every day sad kua sad till dunno wanna write wht de.....
First i dunno la i feel very (kei guai) ...
1st my x call me and tell me he broke up with his gf de name... (joe)
2nd my Xx call me and tell me he broke up with his gf de name..(ivan)
Ivan is my cousin , that time i with him feel he is my everything , event though at home no place to go both of us always smile laught...... ntg happend.... we stay together.... we spend less money... cause evry day teman him work , after back home.... harlo do joanne do this kind of things.... no right.... but i tell u joanne did lor.... really.... after 3 months he started to bit me fightting all thn at last he broke up with me... he is the only guy tht say bye to me,,,,,... i very hurt.... dam hurt.... using almost more than half year to recover..... first time... so wht can i get? nothing...... haix... dunno sad 4 wht today i just cht with him in phone..... in this half year i scared to see him, i scared to talk with him... i change my number, whn i saw him i walk another way go... but now...... i call him and cht with him... but i feel nothing..... if this part of blog (at tht time the people who saw this message sure feel happy) joanne recover de...... i wont cry because him de... ok ? i wanna thx to keong,liang the most!!! but both of u i also no contac de.... but hope u all happy with ur gf.....
Joe is a guy tht i noe frn club, is lin friends friend , tht night i remember till now we kisses each other... feeling in dancing..... and later togather..... thn happy but he always work work work.... whn can we meet night..... whn can we cht on the phone.... 15 min sometimes evnt neet to tell me wht time he will call thn i wait the time come.... r u tht busy maybe? both of us always club togather drink togater..... mostly all day also meet at night whn the day is without son de.....
but after tht broke y ? i also dunno y i broke up with him i still like him so?
i also dunno.... maybe i am aready scared of the pain so i let go.....
but i do miss u joe.....
haha joanne a joanne .... i also dunno y i will write it out but......... i dunno la....
maybe (THE WHOLE WORDL IS CHANGING WHERE AM I STILL?)
haha....
Dr.c long time i no write a report to u de..... the... endding is there de..... whn i stop may i now am i pass or fail.......?
haha......xxxxxx
but so how i still wanna tell out my feellings of today..... y means yes n meaNS NO.
joanne is happy kua... (y)
joanne is tierd (y)
joanne is blur blur (y)
is joanne ok? (n)
joanne still need warm? (y)
joanne still need pills? (y)
joanne rushing assignment? (y)
joanne feel lonely? (y)
joanne fat de? (y)
And i thing ntg will change abt who joanne r!!!! ok?
who am i hello Joanne la....
tht wht joanne alwyas says...
dr.c i will give my self 100%.......
hehe
Today dam tierd , really no oioi got la one hour lor...
but i think not enough for me y? cause i am a pig as u noe lor.... i need to slp for 10 hours per day but i dint have the main to do it.... yesterday actually i did write a blog but i close it ....y cause i dunno wht am i writting emo.... sad again but is ok my sick recover just like a roket.... i still give my self 80%.... cause u r always be my side....
today dam tierd rush to school kena mom scold again y i slp late to cls lor... haix.... but nvm cause today is the last day 4 monday cls de.... happy!!!
but no strenght to happy cause tierd lor....
after cls eat at ming tin... with kai lance yik.... eat chicken rice.... drink my favorite water air suam again.... blur blur whole day.... after tht chris call go to pyramid awhile but nvm even go in the complex... y cause i too tierd de slp at the car ... after tht go to puchong thn balikk rumah lor..... thn chris go find her sis and mom.....
the moment sleeping feel warm and xu fook....
thn , when homw slp again....
i really feel sad tht hurt u guys fighting.... really pls dnt because of me if is me...
pls tell me i will do my part walk out silently ..... okay....
i duwant anyone of my frnd r not happy ...... pls
smile=) thn u guys might be leng zai...
this is the first time i write out wht am i doing in the day well u guys should know if u keep readding my blog..... haha...
the way whn i going bck i pick up a call frn sgp my frnd .... tht who's like me.... i feel down whn all the things he repeat and repeat to tell me... i dunno wht guys r thinking
.......
i really hate it.....
hate it.....
today i am giving my self 60%
1 . tierd
2. sad to hear wht u guys did
3. sad cause on club i did such stupid things infront of
4. fuck of my self hate my self y always make u guys unhappy
5. feel useless
6. need help again
tht's all abt
pls ....... i am the girl who always not happy....
i dnt hope u guys too ....
smile=)
Purple.......
y ?
cause i feel cold ,cold..... sad, sad.... down down.....
today is halloween day.... Some 1 make me sad ,some 1 make me down.... ,some one make me happy.... some 1 make me cry .... , some 1 make me smile in my heart but tears on face y? Gam dong lor..... at
*1st i slp late to cls....
* 2nd kena scolded by my mom....
* 3rd feel (an wei) long time dint have tht kind of feel, felling dying , need water .... sudent my Dr.... so good reach thr a bottle of water, a assignment done.... feel happy got ppl sayang.....
*4th whn to cls still got lence ask and sayang happy too...
*5th scarry cause ah yik driving ngeeeeeeeeeeeeek!!!!!!!!!!! still got little bit bom!
*6th cold cold de ...... but lucky Dr. giving me a jacket.... and got lence help me cover wind....
*7th feel down down 1 ..... feel sry to a person... i noe tht u want me happy !! as i noe tht u also unhappy!! but u just act like ntg cause u want me to be happy!! i feel warm .... nice.... happy and everything frm u .....
*8th yes?anything joe i really wanna hear tht anything from u ,but i duwant i scared whn i hear anything tht i cannot take it i will feel sad , down ... but i miss it... i dunno do u read or had a look on my blog but any way wish u happy with ur gf.... yes... i miss u.... so? can i do anything no!! just unhappy all the way... but is ok !!! i am fine thx .... for ur treating and make me grow....
*9th cnt eat any things just (tun tun tun) my teeth very pain a.... but i also feel happy la .... noe y cause i can gam fei hehe!!! i wanna hit target on 40kg..... tell me tht i can if u support....
*10th dunno, everything dnt ask dnt care.... i learn 1 thing...
DONT ASK QUESTION!!
DONT LISENT TO PPL THT CLOSE OR GOOD TO U!!
DONT THINK JUST DO IT!!
TIME MANAGE!!
SHUT UP WHN I NVR ASK!!
WHN I WANNA TELL I WILL BUT DNT ASK MORE .....
issit good to learn it or???
haix.... i really dunno la....
wow is been 3 days no hand up my report to my dr tim....
Tuesday , shit wht i did i 4get... but haha actually i remember...
70%
wednesday,club tierd dying..... but still had 80% cause u're beside me...
thursday, erm... tierd to watch movie ,see marion ,feel funny....... ntg much normal normal...... so i give my self 60%....
i wanna tell u.....
i love romance ,
i scared boring,
i scared lonely,
i love surprise,
i hate crying,
i need warn,
i need care alot,
so.........
noe wht to do ?
or dunno nvrm....
i will wait....
understand & really feel dam fucking sry abt today +10000000 of sry!!!!
=======================================================
Hey !!! yoyo first time i write blog in summer & sunny days.... means wht ler? Means tht my % today is high lor ..... hehe..... last few days i dint post .... 1st because i am too down no energy to write down... morning cry afternoon cry ....... no eat no drink....... 2nd i really feel tht i am too stupid... totaly blank in my mine..... 3rd heart broke ..... haix.... dunno wht to say abt my self lor...
OKAYSZzzz.... i write down my marks for past two days....
Saturday , raining days........ (10%)
Sunday , okay abit de cause not the whole day raining........ (50%)
See improf alot ler thx to some 1 Dr.xxx..... i noe event though i dint pick ur hp call but as long as i still noe tht ur a responsible Dr... lor hehe.... really sry abt my stupid ways to let u knoe hope u wont feel tht i am a stupid Dai b clients in ur world lor hehe.....
And my dear ngong ngong lence a...... Why u think u in my hear is like this de ler..... Y think so much negetive ways wor.... u really , Really misunderstand de la... my dear...... i dnt mean it tht way ok? dnt think tooo much i am so happy tht u always care me... u in my heart is perfect and nice person lai de la..... think all sot sot things u really a...... lolx...... dunno wht to say la.....
Dr. c..... sry abt i dint pick up ur calls....
sry abt make u worry....
sry abt nvr reply ur sms.....
sry abt let u wait.........
sry abt nvr c my hp got rang bo......
(ITS BECAUSE I AT CASINO LOOSING MONEY A ... LOST UNTILL HALF DEATH ON THR DE...... *NGO CHA HM DO XU DOU YOU LOOK LOK SAN JOR LA)
so i nvr bother abt my hp lor.... some more no credit jor a.....
haix,..... my whole body no money dam kelian u good la eat HOU YEH, drink HOU YEH.....
i dont care a..... u dnt so tok sek a........ must treat me 1 ma.... lolo although i am ur patiens also got a cup of coffe kua at (the place u always go de la) Ha...Ha...
i ntg de la....... still in recover moment but is cover as fast as it can be de lor......
thx alot
2day i will give my self 80%/.........
thx for Dr.c ,my dear lence........ ex............
at last give u guys a smile face sin =) hehe
night night ........
*muaks*
Cioaz........
I am using blur green.... y ler cause my world now sad sad de...... i cry alot of times today... i tell my self i shouldn't cry , i cnt cry any more but i did it again.....
OOPS I DID IT AGAIN...... I CRY IN MY HEART THE TEARS COME OUT AGAIN...
how a? how a?
Dr C. i think alot of stupid things.... i also dunno wht to write down.... i think bck all thigs tht i miss all things tht made me unhappy de.... in red box... whn i hear some song i cry ..... cause sing k usually sing chines song de ma...... chines song easy made ppl sad and cry..... why ler? cause the melody is tooo down.... so i hate chines song alot alot.... i wanna change all of my self i every day made my seld blur blur like this so i cnt use any energy to think things..... i think maybe wo de xing tai luan gua....... i am a stupid.... stupid girl....... i want ppl care me alot lor....need warm care...... but y i cnt get de? y tell me y? Dr.c a...... today i think i only can give my self 20%......
i really feel like wanna die de...... i cnt stand....
lence gor gor.... sry a.... not i duwant reply and tell u .... cause my hp no more credit.... i really like ur cares..... i miss it ...... i hope u dnt get sad.... i promise u the joanne tht u noe will be bck ok..... muaks......
Dr. c....... HElp..... i need all the medicson frm u alot alot can u give me.....?
i noe tht i am a girl tht gives alot of trouble to u...... i felt so sry...... sometimes i really think tht ...... dnt fan u ..... this dr.c but i cnt i duwant to be alone....
Today i fail de ..... just....
20%.....
=(
Today i am chossing blue color to write ,cause today i feel blur blur down down.....
i really very tierd o today... blur blur go school , blur blur go cls..... thn blur blur go lacoste buy present..... spen so much money...... hiax....first present in this month bonia purse now lacoste pls la u all dnt birthday anymore i scared de...but 2 dAY dunno y sudently so down ........ reach home, get a phone call ... i am aready very tierd still like getting scolded.......... sad ....T.T
thn i cried i feel very san fu........ dunno y suddently think something unhappy but very (kei guai)
i also dunno wht i think ......... thn lence call me cheer me up...... christ cheer me up........ sweatney cheer me up......... seng cheer me up....... but dunno y still down......... cried....... and thn slowly slowly ntg de.....because i am luckly to have a docter to cheer me..... beside me.... haha....... i give u 100++ kisses....lence i really very happy whn u call me and so care me ....... thx....... muaks!!! lence didi u younger thn me , but i feel i useless thn u how? this made me sad too u noe.....? haha
today my sickness slowly came back but, suddently go away........ because of u doctor.......
i really feel like happy so much , cause whn i down got doctor who was only got me 1 client and can care me so much...... today actually i think bck how i pass by all my sadness.... i miss bck him but , i hate him....
AS LONG AS>>> (WE HATE LOVE, WE LOVE HATE) <<<<<<<<<
isiit the truth ??? i think so i really think so........ i hate my self but i need to love my self..... thn i hate him should i learn to love him bck ? i think no lor...
and i am unhappy because my b'day is comming.... actually i miss last year birthday alot got (yin hua), (99 roses), (fat gok chan),(big bear bear),(sui jing lin).... LIANG really miss tht wonderfull b'th day tht u celebrate to me..... i will nvr 4 get i will keep it in mind 4 ever..... i am sry tht i dint accept u .... but i aready try my hardess but still cnt ...... but i dunno y i always miss it ..... and while i was missing i cried down..... sad..... i really very scared a doctor C .....
how ler.........
wht can i do because of this i cried alot de.......
so today i still give my self 50% ngam ngam pass.....
u noe y ? cause whn i sad tht time it was only 10%.....
but whn my doctor come make me laught (TERUS) up to 50%......
hehe........ Mr. doctor C...... is a good and nice doctor o...... but sry guys tht is only my individual doctor........
Right? Doctor c ??? hehe
Today is raining day again...... again i am writing blog haha .... i feel tht i am so dam stupid y? c so long no post blog de ...... cause 4 get how to post funny hor.... but i am happy also , i nvr post thts mean tht i am getting better and better on my sadness sick.... actually y i recover my sickness ler,,,, maybe tht i noe some friends tht care me , sharring all kind of stuff with me kua....
actually i really dunno who am i , wht am i doing a..... i just want to be happy duwant to be lonely always ... i want smile ... duwant :( but now while i am writting my blog and chtting with some 1..... i very tierd de but need to do home work.... i am happy tht u r being my side acompany me the whole night .. thx alot muaks and wont make me feel lonely... i am happy i had aready 4 get him..... not 4get la is wont think abt those things de..... i feel tht i am so stupid... mou yok hor gau de......
我感觉到，什么是快乐什么是不快乐了。。。
快乐因该要自己真取，而不是等着别人给。。。
也许，有爱情`的world会开心有色彩。。。。但是，却是会很痛连呼吸也会痛。。
我不想再痛了。。。。。
算了。。
忘了。。。
拥有过就是了。。。
isiit?
haix..... c la c la this stupid joanne still think of this kind of things 4 wht wor....
study hard hard.... and hope tht i will succes and u guys too.....
and come on larh really need some one teman me go some relaxing places like sea side .......... i love sea ....... the smells of sea is cool enought.... hmm.....
love it and it is also time to bed de.....
erm,,,, taday is happy day i will give my self 70%hehe.....
dunno y everytime whn i wanna write a blog also raining day maybe whn the time i wanna write i am sad kau..... today i just came bck frm frnd house because both night i also very scared dnt dare to slp alone ..... morning i am still ok but whn fall at night i feel unconfert, very lonely and scarry....... i really dunno wht am i doing actually i had alot of things to do ...... assignment , help my mom , entertain with friends and much more..... but i keep on think at things tht i am not happy.... i like him but i dnt dare or feel like be with him because loved a person must see him happy thts enought .... since now he got gf de..... today i just wish him i wont destroyed or feel unhappy de i must be...... i am totaly give up whn i say this word out tht time i hope i will do it .... i cht in msn with my frnd tony he tell me alot he talk alot to me ........ y he like nike? the text of nike is wht ? (just do it) i really happy tht whn i am down still got ppl who will care of me and talk with me.... i like people to talk with me .......... y ......... because i scared lonely...... and some more tuck wai thx for giving me a hand whn i am down ... i really miss u hope i will c u soon..... i am sry i dint accept u but ..... i really hope too..... y because i wont easy get couple with a guy .... i really get deep hurt before..... i really hope tht u r beside me like last time ........ the time with u i feel happy ........ cause u always make me smile......=)
i will try to behappy hope u guys who care me will pray all happines to me .....
haix...... very tierd a just finish assignment i been sitting on my table for 5 house for doing the stupid assignment ......... but i am happy to do with it lor........
hahahaha ...........
hope i will write down wht i want wht i need 4 my future ... i will de
today i very tierd and unhappy i dunno y, today i meet bck my x i know i still like him and he also but so how wor.... people got gf de..... i aready duwant pick up his call duwant msn with him de la but dunno y ..... he tell me tht he i also dunno how to say la. BUT i tried to ask him abt his gf thing this and tht but dunno y he keep on telling me got or dint have also looks like the same . so i only ask him wanna go outstation with me? he say yes..... ok .... but should i i really dunno lor ......... whn he say yes tht time i really feel tht dam happy de ............ but whn tonight i call him he say i will call u bck tomorow , at tht time mt tears r alrd falling ...... y wor ,? y whn people start to give up u , u need to treat bck people on this way? if u really still love me can u pls be fare to me.... if u got gf i will not wanna be the middle 1.... sry ......... i really dunno how to say abt myself actually i really got alot of things tht need to do y am i thinking all this stupid stuff wor? i really feel very stress .... sad,,,,,... joe a hope u really know wht i need .......
today is my dad bitrth day , i sleep late no go to class, but in the afternoon i find patrick and go there to buy car charger i was very angry my charger has spoil .. alot of friend wanna find me , but cant find . thn ..... i ask lence out to teman me , 1st because i am so boring and thn i find him to acc me to find a give for my dad . haha but quite funny la, i also dunno wanna buy wht ..... thn walk walk walk , after tht we go out smoke lor..... thn i hear some lence story he say tht actually he is a rich guy but after 1997 all (gu PIu) fall ,,,, so his dad (poh Chan)... whn i heard this i few like sounds sad to him ...... but, actually me my self also la, i am a girl tht come frm penang y ler,? cause i am (loh Lui) whts means tht i am anak angkat frm my dad now lo, and thn i get rape before la whn i was small, after tht my family at tioman there got a big troble la, haix........
i dunno la i feel tht the whole world like very upset ..... not only me lor..... and thn i drive home erm... actually i love to drive de because no need think so much kua, but whn i started to drive i very scared tht i saw accident or wht , every time whn i saw an accident i feel like cry ...... maybe i try before tht some one near u r leaving.... i duwant the same thing happen on others i scared to see people crying too...... after tht i fetch my sis go 1u buy bonia purse for my dad, whn i went to my dad shp my dad was so shock !!! he nvr know tht we r going lor..... haha whn i c my dad happy i also happy ,,,.... i nvr talk to my dad for long time ago but every thing had aready passs i think will be alright.... thn at night i recive a sms frm my ex joe wanna meet ma tomorow
actually not i duwant pick up ur hp........ is because u got gf de ........ i duwant to (chak san) u all lo... but i really miss u ..... nvm i tell my self tht i will give my self a new road,,, i fall before but i must climb up ...... sometimes i really think tht i not a couple choise in this world every time whn in love i will cry cry cry .......... my tears just like a water paip very easy to come out de i also dunno y .......... i hope every 1 who cares me will really take a heart to tell me wht am i doing now? i still got alot of things to do , why should i think all this kind of things......... i really wanna get mad.... i dunno y whn i was not happy or wht i wanna write all the things out and tell my self to memories it isit a good memo? or ? i really dunno ..... 2day i really feel like writting this blog to tell my self tht wht am i doing in a a day ...... should i? now is aready 3:30 a.m i cnt slp dunno y assignment also duwant to do ........... i dunno wht am i doing .........
